Why Telling Your Story is a Sacred Duty to Yourself – Design for Dignity not Fear part 1

shine your light in the darkness

If you believe we’re being told stories through the media and social media that aren’t true, that are fake news or at best distortions you have a duty to yourself to tell your story, You have a duty to shine your light in the darkness. Because no matter how weird you are you are beautiful.

You may have heard the quote written by Marianne Williamson that speaks to this:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

from Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

And yet even though you get this it may be hard to if not impossible to actually do this without help.

This is because the bad stuff affects us more than the good stuff. We’re naturally wired to pay more attention to danger, to pay more attention to what we fear than to the good happy joyous things because evolutionarily that helped us stay alive.

But it also keeps as afraid, it keeps us anxious and depressed.

So because your body and mind naturally processes more and gives more weight to the bad news you need to consciously and intentionally create the story that gets you the results you want not just listen to the stories you’re told which will get you the results you don’t want.

This is an extension to CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) to go it’s not just specific techniques and tools I have to use it’s my entire life that I’m working with. And taking a position of empowerment going everything is my responsibility. This self-leadership position can seem overwhelming because it’s natural to go: “it’s not my fault” and blame someone else but even if that is true where you have power is in your story not their story.

So you self-coach yourself around your story. This is what I teach in the coaching I do with clients. So why is this so important?

In any relationship, there is a natural power dynamic. Either you’re telling someone what to do or someone is telling you what to do.

And we’re conditioned by going to school, college and university to do what the teacher tells us. It’s the same when you work for someone else you do what they tell you or you don’t get to work there any more.

But this natural power dynamic is harmful when you are trying to develop yourself. If you go to a teacher whether that is a spiritual teacher or personal development teacher and just because they are a teacher there is this power imbalance because we’ve been conditioned to do what teachers tell us to do.

To get the results you want you need to work with someone who refuses to take that power position over you and makes you take it for yourself. Because the only way for you to get power is for you to take it.

But that doesn’t mean you can walk off the edge of a cliff and not get hurt. It’s easy to do stupid stuff if you don’t listen to the advice of other people. But with so much fake news and bad advice who do you listen to?

You listen not to how you feel because that’s the easiest way to be influenced. We can be influenced by drinking a coffee it makes us feel warmer towards who we are with and the caffeine boosts our energy so we feel better around the person who we’re having the coffee with. Test this for yourself by having a cold drink without caffeine in the same social situation but obviously not alcohol 🙂

Because this is what I want you to do, to think for yourself.

To understand that we’re always being influenced and manipulated and you can learn techniques from CBT and NLP to get the natural thinking errors we all make. But to take it into your life you need to make it about your life you need to coach yourself.

Coaching yourself is about having a relationship with yourself where you support and nurture and cultivate the positive in you.

Because remember we’re being overwhelmed by bad news that’s fake news that tells us to be afraid that tells us to be a victim.

So you coach yourself to counter this negativity.

A coach helps you to get the best out of yourself so this doesn’t mean they are unconditionally positive, they’re not a friend who may sit with you and tell you what you want to hear. But they’re also not an enemy telling you a constant stream of negativity. They challenge you and help you shine your light when you’re finding it difficult to do so.

Have a read of that Marianne Williamson quote again.

Because you need support to do that. And this is what a coach does they help you make real progress and achieve real results.

Those results will be in both how you feel about yourself on the inside and also about what you do on the outside. Because you could get to feeling good about yourself but that doesn’t mean you’ve made progress in getting the results you want.

Coaching is about inner game and outer game. Inner game being the game you need to win on the inside around how you think and how you feel. Outer game being the result you get with other people out in the world.

It’s easy to go there are so many things I need to do to do this. I need CBT, ACT and mindfulness to work on my inner game then a specialist in getting me results in being persuasive and influential with other people.

I say how you do all of this is by becoming your own coach, by having an ongoing relationship with yourself that’s positive, that’s nourishing. Where you cultivate you.

So you’re developing a sense of yourself where you feel good because of the things you have done. Not just feeling good about yourself. But feeling good in a self-reinforcing loop or spiral that’s generative because you learn from what goes wrong as well as what goes right. And self-coaching yourself when things go wrong rather than beating yourself up.

This a storytelling process.

You are telling you the meaning of your life.

Because you’re doing that anyway when you allow the fake news to appear real.

But what if you started writing with intention, creating with intention about who you want to be becoming?

About who you need to be to get the results you want.

Because that’s about who you are on the inside and who you are on the outside.

And if you make it nourishing enough you’ll start to enjoy the taste of you. You’ll fall in love with what you’re writing and creating and people will fall in love with you.