One of the multiple intelligences we have is sexual intelligence.
Sexual energy is our most powerful creative energy, and because it’s powerful, many people feel it controls them, and they are at the mercy of their desire.
But that’s just being dumb, not intelligent. Sexual intelligence is related to bodily intelligence the more you are embodied, the more you know what not only your body wants but what other people’s bodies want as well.
It’s when you are stuck with just intellectual intelligence and can’t see what other people’s bodies want and are illiterate and confused about what you want sexually. For example, if you think sex is about anything other than you both enjoying each other, then you lack sexual intelligence. If you think of sex as the release of tension and about getting what you want you are not going to enjoy sex.
If you are concerned about your masculinity or femininity, you are thinking about yourself, not the person you are with and who you need to be, to be in the kind of relationship you want to be in because that’s always going to be changing if you’re alive.
Yet in our thinking, we get lost in abstractions and take a mental still picture a “selfie” of the world and think that is real and in doing that miss the aliveness, the sensuality of what is really attractive.
For many people what should be erotic is now neurotic, and they need the release of tension rather than coming to sex with the energy of play.
Porn is about dehumanisation where you are distracting yourself from your suffering by requiring fantasy rather than being able to enjoy the reality of your partner.
You need to heal your woundedness rather than sexualising your distress and using sex to try to feel better.
This manifests as the inability to make intimate relationships work. This could be that you just can’t get into a relationship or that you can’t sustain a relationship long term.
And as the inability to get the success you want in your working life. In today’s volatile, uncertain, confusing and anxiety causing world where the ability to change and adapt is critical how you do this quickly allows you to grow and thrive as opposed not to survive.
The fastest way to change is to work with a mentor someone who can help you fix your unique problems and get you moving in the direction that is right for you.
The problem with specific approaches to mentoring, coaching, therapy and marketing is that they want you to go their way. When that might or might not work for you. I’ve been a therapist for over 20 years, and I’ve continuously learnt new skills because different people need different things. You need someone who can adapt to you and your unique life, unique problems and help you find the unique solutions you can’t see by yourself.
I teach men how to be attractive and get into the relationships you want to be in as a natural result of who you are because that’s about going beyond overly simplified tactics that don’t work and are harmful to you building successful long-term relationships.
I teach you how to be naturally masculine and what that means in today’s #meetoo world.
There is a natural masculine self-confidence that many men today just don’t have. This is not about the “dumb masculine” where guys feel they have something missing so need to compensate with the use of power or violence to make a woman have sex with them.
Natural masculinity is knowing for yourself that you are whole and complete and as a man, you are building the future that you want.
So it’s not about needing a woman to complete you.
It’s not about chasing women.
It is about being a gentleman, being a lover of women because you find them beautiful and attractive.
Or if you are gay being a lover of men because you find them beautiful and attractive.
Or if you are a woman being a lover of men because you find them beautiful and attractive.
Or if you are a lesbian being a lover of women because you find them beautiful and attractive.
Or if you are bisexual being a lover of men and women because you find them beautiful and attractive.
Because it’s your biology that drives you. It’s your mind that confuses you and tells you to try to ignore your biology.
This is the problem with men’s groups where you explore your feminine side to try to find your masculinity. It’s really about whose definition of masculinity are you trying to follow. If it’s what the latest self-help author is telling you, you are always going to be disappointed. Because what you really need to look at are your own definitions. What are the rules you are trying to play by that is making you lose?
But when you put your attention on what works for you, when you create the rules for your game, not playing someone else’s game, you can create rules that allow you to win.
You can create rules that allow you to have a life that feeds you intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
In today’s uncertain world anxiety and depression have become normal. They have a physiological effect that causes damage to your health, both physical health and mental health.
I teach energetic health because this is health at the most fundamental level.
Your biological and physical health are dependent on your energetic health. And your mental health is dependent on your biological and physical health.
I teach Naked Shamanism a natural spirituality that is grounded in neuroscience and so goes beyond theory and just intellectual understanding to go to the felt sense of direct experience. How you know what’s true at a deeper level than the intellectualisation of your experience.
It’s being able to access a natural alignment where there is a natural flow of healthy energy that makes you feel more alive.
And because you have a flow of natural, healthy energy your biological and physical health is good. And because your biological and physical health is good, your mental health is also good.
And when you have this, you are naturally attractive because women feel you more than they think about you.
We men do this too we’re just not as conscious of that process. And that’s also true for some women, particularly if you have a strong IQ. If you are intellectually strong, you are often not as strong with emotional intelligence or body intelligence or sexual intelligence.
But the foundation for evolving yourself is your most creative energy your sexual energy. This is what most people leave out of their lives is an awareness of the life energy that allows us to be fully alive. It gets left out because it doesn’t make sense or is seen as bad. Many people grow up thinking sex is bad.
Because this is the secret, it’s when you heal the stuff you leave out, what’s often called Shadow Work, because of Carl Jung’s idea that we sweep all the things we don’t like about ourselves out of the light of our attention to the dark corners where we can’t see it.
However, just because we can’t see it that doesn’t mean that it is not still there affecting everything that we do. And the more stuff you hide in the Shadow, the more power you give it. So this energy drives you, but you have no awareness of that. It’s like you are in a car and the tracking, the wheels are out of alignment so every time you try to go forward, you don’t you go off in a different direction.
If you are disconnected from your natural sexual energy, you are going to have problems because it’s literally your life energy.
It’s this disconnection from who you are that creates confusion because if you think you are your thoughts, your thinking mind, you are unaware of how the energy of who you really are drives your emotions which drives your thinking.
If you think you are just the mind in your head (or your head is disconnected from your body) that you are your mental programming or what you believe to be true is true, then you are unaware of how much you are really influenced and driven by your emotions.
Alternatively, you may acknowledge some emotions but not admit to yourself that you have negative emotions which of course because you try to hide them grow stronger and control you more because you’ve put them in your Shadow and you literally grow a darker part of yourself which sabotages you getting what you want.
This programming which we learn growing up from our parents, relatives and friends means we think in story, we go: “this happened”, then “this happens”, and then “this happened”.
So we make up the meaning of the experiences we have and experience them in a story based format.
For example, your parents or whoever looked after you as a child in most cases wanted the best for you, and they wanted you to be safe and healthy and grow up to fit in as an adult.
So what this means in practice in the real world is when as a child you wanted to run across the road to see your friend they had to stop you because you’d run straight across the street without looking and get hit by a car or bus. Your parents tell you not to do lots of things so you’ll be safe and survive, but they don’t often get you to think for yourself.
It’s not normal to be like Richard Branson who when he was a child his mother drove him many miles from home and told him to get out of the car and find his way home. Many people today would consider that child abuse, but Richard loved the adventure. He learnt at an early age to think for himself.
Most people believe their thinking, and we naturally believe we are right. However, if you are not getting the results, you want you need to look at that thinking not blame someone else.
I talk about this as “Story OS”. That you literally think in stories.
However, you can upgrade those stories in just the same way you get updates for your phone and at least once a year you get a new version of the operating system or OS.
If you don’t update your stories, you can’t keep up in a world that is growing and changing. So with the increasing pace of that change, this becomes more urgent as we get more out of date.
One of the most basic traps that both men and women fall into is being out of control sexually.
Their sexual energy drives them to make bad decisions rather than powers them to make good decisions.
Sexual energy is the most fundamental and powerful creative energy you have, and it can drive you to do things that you know are wrong. You can be in an intimate relationship and be driven to having sex with someone else because that sexual energy overpowers your thinking mind.
People used to say that was your “unconscious mind” taking control. This is an out of date idea that comes from the psychological theories of Sigmund Freud. We now know from neuroscience, and it’s worth understanding that neuroscience looks directly at the brain and what it does it’s not theoretical like psychology.
We now know there are parts of our brain that we consciously think with, but the other parts all connect to that conscious part. So there is literally no such thing as an “unconscious” you don’t have one.
However, you can be more conscious of how the energy in your body is driving you.
With mindfulness and an understanding of what mindfulness really is from neuroscience that you are growing your brain intentionally which is a process called “neurogenesis you can be in control not out of control.
Some men are concerned about being seen as masculine which can be difficult in a world where women also see masculinity as a characteristic of success.
If all your role models for success are masculine, if every TV character or movie character that you aspire to be is masculine then, of course, you are trying to work out how to be more masculine. However, this is a trick you are being deceived.
Because if you believe what you see in films you download or TV programs you watch you’ll think having amazing sex lasts a minute to a minute and 30 seconds. And is just frenzied and violent and often looks more about the release of frustration and tension than actually enjoying yourself. That’s fake news that really isn’t good sex.
Well isn’t porn then a better example? We live in a world where it’s apparently easier to get porn than fresh water. However, it’s not like you get David Attenborough doing the intro of the human-wildlife mating rituals. If you’re downloading not just porn but films and TV you probably don’t get any of the “making of” extras that came with blue-ray and DVDs. And because you got an extra DVD, you probably watched that. So we don’t get reminded that we’re watching something that is constructed and everything doesn’t actually happen in the order we see in the finished product or even on the same day or with the same people.
The problem with porn is it’s like sugar, and it may look tasty, but really it makes you sick. Because if you train yourself to get turned on by what’s artificial, you are going to have problems with the natural real thing.
I worked with the original Flirt Coach Peta Heskell helping her run her attraction seminars for over seven years till she retired. We were in competition with Ross Jeffries there weren’t any other options back then. Ross created “Speed Seduction” because he was actually an excellent writer who learnt NLP and then learnt marketing. So then lots of his students copied him. However, no one copied Peta who was doing attraction. They couldn’t because they didn’t get what was inside of what we were doing. She didn’t share that we were both students of Dr. Joseph Riggio and doing MythoSelf influenced work. They only saw the surface level marketing and quotes from people like John la Valle describing Peta as the “Wild Woman of NLP.”
It wasn’t about epistemological change or change at the level of thinking. It was about ontological change, change at the level of being. This is the core distinction of the MythoSelf process along with its singular orientation on being able to find a way to do what works for you.
So if you want to know how you are when you are at your best and extraordinarily irresistibly attractive the markers of this are somatic, they are not cognitive.
So it’s your thinking that limits you in getting into the relationships that you want to be in, and that limits the relationships that you are in from working long term. Because our thinking mind is naturally evaluative and judgemental, we sabotage ourselves really easily.
So in my own way, I now think of this embodied understanding as being aware of your life energy and knowing that you are that. Life energy. For me, there is an energetic connection between every human and when you can literally feel that you know without talking to someone if there is a connection that is pulling you closer.
This is called attraction.
If you’re interested in reading about me and how I can help you, and want to learn some of the secrets I’ve learnt over 40 years of the study of meditation, mindfulness and martial arts and 20 years of training with the best personal development trainers, coaches, therapists and marketers please click here.