I hope you got from last time that most of the time most people are emotionally out of control. You need to develop and work on and apply design principles to the relationship you have with yourself - that sounds complex but it’s quite simply developing the relationship with your Inner Coach.
You have a relationship with yourself, but by default it’s a relationship based on what happened in the past - what you did then causes how you feel now.
The Power of Now is understanding you are in the now already but the focus of your attention is somewhere else. And because it is somewhere else it’s like you are 99% not present to the life you are living - literally stumbling through life like a sleepwalker.
You do have an Inner Coach don’t you?
Or is it more like an inner critic, an inner enemy - someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart?
I always find it extraordinary when I get to the inevitable moment I have with clients where I point out to them that they are arguing for their problems and I’m the one who is actually on their side championing for what they’ve said they actually want - what is going to build the life they dream of.
Yet how come you have this inner relationship with yourself where you aren’t exactly treating yourself in the way you want to be treated?
It scares many of my clients when I point out to them that inevitably they leak. They leak their inner selves out into the real world.
It’s the typical mistake that both men and women make when they want to get into a relationship - they go: “Who do I need to pretend to be?” They don’t go: “I’ll just be myself and people will love me because of who I really am.”
But they leak their inner selves… And so the fiction they have pretended inevitably comes crashing down.
But what if you could have a relationship with yourself that is helpful rather than harmful?
This is the idea of developing the Inner Coach or Building a Relationship with the Future You That You Want To Be Becoming with Teleological Design™ or said simply as the title of this website Being Who You Are Becoming.
This is what I do with clients, it’s the inevitable result of interacting with me that they learn to do the process that we work on together for themselves.
To develop the Inner Coach you need to build a relationship with the future you - and this future you coaches you on getting to where it already has been.
Here’s why this is so important: Your default relationship is a relationship based on what happened in the past - what you did then causes how you feel now. You can’t change this, yes you can change how you think about what happened but you don’t go into the past to do that. You can’t change the past. You can change how you feel in the now and the best way to do that is by designing and building a future that you want. So you feel different in the now because of how you feel about the future.
You are always in the now.
But it’s a question of how mindful you are.
Are you letting your mind unintentionally drift to the problems that happened in the past and feeling bad and letting those problems from the past inform the future that you don’t want?
Or do you choose to design a future that you do want?
The disconnect is between reality and awareness - How much awareness you have of your future - how real it is for you - It should inspire you, literally breath life into you. Without that connection your future doesn’t pull you towards it.
This is the key having a future that pulls you towards it.
So you wake up excited in the morning about your life. You are literally energised by that flow of energy from the future you. You physically feel different when you are connected, plugged in, in touch with that future you.
This is the real shamanic journey - not going into the past to find a piece of you that you’ve lost. The idea that you are broken and need to be fixed has a long tradition and not a particularly happy or successful one. Many people have spent twenty or thirty or more years in psychotherapy and while they may gain a lot of understanding about their problems that doesn’t lead to resolution of those problems.
Shamanic journeying is a journey outside of time or said more clearly - where time is not relevant.
I lead my clients to have an experience of themselves without the problems they have had in the past and from this position you can choose the new future. In that choice you are choosing to be informed in the now by the future you have chosen - so the future is informing the present rather than the past informing the present.
And the more you maintain your focus on that future, the future that you want - this is your angle of approach or attitude mentioned in part 4 and the more you open that possibility for yourself and begin to make it real the more you notice for and can respond to the opportunities to make it real. This is the coaching process you work on with yourself.
This is the secret of making your dreams into reality.
Joseph Campbell spoke of dream being personalised myth - This is what we are doing with the process of Teleological Design™ described above working on your Inner Architecture to create the future informed mythic representation of who we want to be becoming.