A post to Taso on the MythoSelf list: I’d agree with you except for the cross your fingers part.
To get anything you need to be prepared to pay the price.
A good idea is to do a “premortem” or what’s the worst that could possibly happen and are you prepared to pay that price?
Part of the work I do with clients is using Joseph’s Scope of Decision model to get them to understand the systemic nature of what they are doing. And it is always systemic, it’s never just about you.
People often tell me that what they want is impossible. What they’re saying is they won’t pay the price. But almost always the consideration is that price at this moment in time. A better question is what happens if you don’t pay that price now?
What will be the cost of not doing what you know needs to be done?
What will be the cost to you if you haven’t done it in five years time?
What will be the cost in ten years?
At the end of your life will you be living in regret for what could have been?
Then they say they’ve got responsibilities… Shifting the reason why they can’t to someone else.
In five years will this person still want to be with a person who compromises themselves, in ten will they want to be with someone bitter at having let their dreams pass them by.
A relationship is like a shark, if it’s not moving forward it’s dying.
What’s the cost?