A former client and now friend lent me the dvd’s of “Transformations” the current product by Real Social Dynamics. My friend knew this would interest me as I’ve said before that I admire the work of Tyler Durden, otherwise known as Owen who created Real Social Dynamics and happens to be the ‘bad guy’ in the book “The Game” by Neil Strauss.

Why I like Owens work is that to me it’s obvious he’s spent quite a bit of time not only studying how to meet and get into relationships with women but also in studying marketing, so I enjoy noticing how he’s crafting the way he says what he says.

The product is interesting as it’s a number of the instructors from Real Social Dynamics talking about their transformational experience of going from being unable to get into relationships to no longer having that problem.

What I do find fascinating is the phrase I heard many times that they no longer do any of the basic techniques that they actually teach, they’re reached the ‘level’ where that is no longer necessary.

This is of course the reason my friend and former client knew I’d be interested in watching these dvd’s. I’ve always said that the whole PUA or Pick Up Artist culture is fundamentally flawed. What they’re teaching is largely founded on the work of Ross Jeffries who took NLP and applied it to meeting women. Part of his idea was you went out regularly to bars and clubs and used your NLP skills to try to persuade women to like you. OK so you may say this is little different to what men and women have been doing for centuries, trying to get someone they like to like them.

However we have learnt the odd thing or two about how the brain actually learns with modern neuroscience.

There’s a Taoist idea that I’ve always found profoundly enlightening. The idea is you’re on the torture table, which of course wasn’t too strange a situation to be in, in old China. And you’ve got the choice, you can either find out why you’re there, why you are being tortured, why they are doing this to you and why it’s you who’s having all the problems. They’ll answer all of your questions OR you can just get up off the table and go.

So are you asking why you have all the problems you have? Do you want to understand why you can’t get what you want? Or why don’t you just get off the flaming table!!

Research shows that the brain grows by making new connections a process of neurogenesis.

So the valid question is, is your learning enhancing or detracting from getting the results you want. We actually live in a culture that promotes bad learning. Read John Taylor Gatto’s book, ‘An Underground History of American Education’ for an explanation of this.

While I’ve stated before that I respect Ross Jeffries for the contributions he’s made, he’s still coming from a model of bad learning.

When my friend lent me those dvd’s he said: “I can’t believe all the difficulties I used to put myself through!! I had such anxiety I just couldn’t approach women, now it’s just not a problem. I’ve had my own transformation thanks to you”.

The old idea of going out ‘sarging’ as they call it is that eventually you’ll have ‘crashed and burned’ so many times you’ll eventually understand some of the things that you do that work and be able to do more of that. To me this is as bad as therapists who recommend desensitisation as a valid form of therapy. This is all about strapping your client to the torture table and subjecting them to what they fear most…

This screws your brain and indeed your neurology up so much that while you may eventually have desensitised yourself you’ve also numbed yourself out as well.

It’s that old book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”, the most stupid idea ever. They should subtitle it “How to subject yourself to pain and misery and mess up the rest of your life”. Remember the brain learns from what you do. Are you teaching yourself in a way where you’ll get more of what you want or are you teaching yourself that crashing and burning is how you get results, that pain is the only way…. Now that’s stupid!!

By contrast you could just get off the torture table, find the way that works for you to get the results you want. Without the pain, without the trouble, and without the numbing out. The more you can increase rather than decrease your sensitivity the more capable you are of noticing what’s actually going on and therefore being able to respond appropriately.

So how do you get off the torture table? Simple, you focus on what works. You notice for how you naturally get the results you want and do that. What’s the structure of how you relate to the people you can relate to naturally and how do you transfer that over to the other areas where you need those skills.

You wont get the answer by thinking about it. This is where the limitations are. You’re locked in an epistemological trap you can’t get out of. But if you go beyond your limitations into the ground of your being, and just realise that when you’re here you’re ok, when you’re here anything is possible, when you’re here you are the person who has transformed.

It’s easy, let me show you how, and if you don’t think the time we’ve spent together has value I’ll give you your money back!!