My experience is that people leak. They try to hold their potential inside, and when I say potential I don't mean the stuff that they freely share it's what is in many ways sacred to them. The things that are beyond words in many ways. So it's difficult to even think about because we think in language, in words. It's what you know to be true of yourself but don't want to admit to others because you fear to show this part of yourself. That you fear this part of yourself will get sullied by others.
If you could take your soul out of your body and show it to others it would be like such thin delicate silk that if the wind blew too strongly it would get torn and forever damaged beyond repair.
But while you try to hide this fragile sacredness, it's such a fundamental part of you that others can't but get a hint of it in everything you do.
If you were a recipe it's one of the critical ingredients that give you your distinctive taste that's unique and different from everyone else.
And some people can see/sense this more than others.
My own experience of working with clients and just interacting with people is that it is like they are talking in mathematical formulae that adds up to something that they can't say.
They touch upon it, but can't stay there.
Often they have a specific eye access where they locate it in space and reference that when provoked conversationally.
And there is absolutely an art to conversational provocation. I used to be so into hypnosis particularly Milton Ericksons work, I did a two year in depth training, I've trained with and socialised with the leading hypnotherapy trainers in the world but while I still enjoy and appreciate Stephen Gilligan's thinking I don't want to work in the way that he does with closed eye process, what most people think of as hypnosis.
Pretty much everyone I see teaching conversational hypnosis is doing it like it's paint by numbers - there's no art to it.
It's absolutely the quote I've used before from Brad Keeney
Gregory Bateson referred to this shift when he was discussing Erickson in an interview with Brad Keeney, one of his students. The interview took place in 1976, when Erickson’s work was just getting known to a wider audience.
Erickson’s name came up during the interview, and Keeney asked if Bateson had been in touch with him recently. Bateson said he hadn’t, only through some of the many students that Bateson had sent to Erickson.
Keeney asked what he thought of the books that were coming out about Erickson, and Bateson harrumphed his archetypal British aristocratic harrumph. He said he hated the work, regretted sending people to Erickson, and would do it no more.
When Keeney asked him to elaborate, Bateson said that Erickson had a way of entering a system so thoroughly before he acted that he was not an ego separate from the system but part of the “weave of the total complex”. Therefore his techniques arose from within the weave and harmonized with them.
This is what I would call conversational hypnosis but it's understanding it's not just the words people say.
Most people think communication is the words they say, the most quoted researcher on non-verbal communication Dr. Albert Mehrabian, found that 7% of any message is conveyed through words, 38% through certain vocal elements, and 55% through nonverbal elements (facial expressions, gestures, posture, etc). That’s a total of 93% as all the stuff other than the words.
If this isn't part of your conversation and of course the 93% part you don't know what you are doing when you are working with a client, you literally can't see the majority of their communication with you.
And what I find most disturbing is the people who have been taught that: "The Map is not the Territory" are blindly stomping over other people's maps or imposing their map on top of their clients, their friends, family and partner. This is how you make a life that doesn't work, when you hold your truth to be more important than other.
And we're back to that word "sacred" and having the skill to not just honour that in others but to be able to evoke it and fan the embers into flames that warm the heart not just the brain.