You are built from story. This is how your Inner Architecture™ is constructed - you experience something and that forms a neurological connection. It’s called neuoplasticity - you wire your brain from the experiences you have.
These are experiences you have externally out in the world - you are frightened by a large dog as a child so you build the connections to be afraid of dogs.
And these are experiences you have internally - what you think about, the stories you hear from other people and the stories you tell yourself.
The key is they have equal validity in your internal architecture - they are both equally real - because they both build neurological connections. And the more you reinforce and continue to build and strengthen those connections the more real you make them.
So YES - the more real YOU make them.
So if you were traumatised, abused, suffered - the more the focus of your attention is on what happened in the past the more you wire your brain to reinforce that trauma, abuse and suffering. The more the focus of your attention is on the future and what can be different the more you wire yourself for those new possibilities.
This is a controversial and difficult statement for many people. Particularly if you have been traumatised, abused and suffered.
But what helps is to understand you are built from story as I’ve just described. Because then you can choose to tell yourself a different story. To change your focus from the past and what happened then and instead to focus on the future and what you want to be true of you then.
When I’m working with clients I understand they are built from story so because of that they are literally built from LOTS of stories and some stories will conflict with other stories.
Each story has it’s own logic - what is true in that story.
So the more stories you are made from the more conflict you will have because you both intentionally and unintentionally pick up new stories.
You intentionally choose books to read, you choose what movies you go to see, you choose what you watch on TV.
But you also probably channel surf on TV and just watch whatever catches your attention. You overhear a conversation and incorporate that story. You watch the news on TV and believe the story you are told.
The logic of these stories pulls you in different directions.
You want to move towards the stories you like and move away from the stories you don’t like.
And our previous experience has set us up to notice for particular stories. Whatever experiences you’ve had you are wired to notice for those experiences.
And it’s also natural to have a negativity bias. Our caveman ancestors wired us to look for the predator hiding in the shadows because those that looked and ran away survived to pass their genes down to us.
So we naturally look for the bad stories - and of course the news media know this, they know that the bad story sells the newspaper, it gets the viewers.
So we are naturally looking for problems - even if they aren’t there.
Part of my job is to listen for the stories that clients don’t tell - where there is gap in their reality. Where they have literally wired themselves to not have certain experiences.
So their reality does not include certain stories.
It’s not that they can’t do certain things - but more that they just don’t think about certain things so can’t ever get to a result that would include that experience as a prerequisite for success.
I work conversationally with clients - it sounds like very normal conversation and I’m good at getting them to talk and at some point we get to what I call “honest conversation” where we’ve gone beyond the surface level chat to access the deeper structure of their reality.
You could say this is conversational hypnosis and I’ve written about this before here.
It’s about entering a system so thoroughly before you act that you are not an ego separate from the system but part of the “weave of the total complex”. And therefore your techniques arise from within that weave and harmonise with them. This is entering their inner architecture and exploring with them their world of stories.
It’s helping the client become more coherent.
So instead of them being led in all different directions by the logic of their stories and getting nowhere they begin to become more and more coherent, more focused on being who they are becoming so can make progress in the direction that they want.
It’s about making the distinctions in the stories that they have that open new realities to them. It’s NOT that the client has all the resources they need, it’s much more like they have bits missing from their map - vast areas of undiscovered country where they fear to tread because monsters still lurk there.
But that is the Hero’s Journey which we’ll come to at some point but we’ve made a start for now…