If you are a therapist or healer of any kind or even just someone who feels a certain lack in their lives at some point the conversation comes around to sex. Not just are you having sex? But is the sex you are having any good? While this sounds like a highly personal and intimate question, it's actually more intimate than that. It's about how vibrant your life force is, how alive you are, which is an ontological question a question about beingness.
There's a film that speaks to this beautifully, it's the 1998 comedy/drama Pleasantville which I'd encourage you to watch. It's about a couple of present day teenagers who get transported back in time to a 1958 sitcom and their adventures there. I won't spoil your enjoyment of the film by telling you the story but here's a question that the film speaks to:
Are you living in a world that is black and white or is it beautiful full colour?
Many of the people I work with haven't realised it but they are living in a black and white world. They get up in the morning and go to work, they take the same train, bus or tube. They sit at their desk and do the same work as they did the day before. Then they go home on the same train, tube or bus and come home to sit down in front of the TV and watch the same programmes they watch that night every week.
Then if it's that night of the week they have sex with their partner, if they have a partner, and continue on in this rigid patten that they have locked themselves into.
The key to escape is remembering who you are.
And that you can choose the story you are living. That it's not someone else telling you the story and you just perform the scripted lines but you are telling the story, and when you remember that you get some of your life force back and you begin to feel more alive and have more choice in what is possible for you.
In a traditional culture the Shaman would be watching over his or her tribe and part of that care would be caring for their people's inner selves, which you might refer to as souls. If you are a therapist or healer you have a similar role with your clients and the more you take care of yourself the better you can take care of your clients.
So is the sex you are having any good?
You make it good by taking a breath and slowing down and mindfully becoming aware of your partner. What are they saying with their body rather than their words? Do they need a rest and some comfort more than you and you've been too busy with your own worries to notice?
I always find working with clients that when you become playful you can evoke their sensual nature. And if you are skilful sensual doesn't have to mean overtly sexual. It can mean a reawakening of something forgotten in them, it's calling their soul back into their body, bringing them back to life.
And when you are filled with life you life can be very good indeed - and the sex isn't bad either.
Have a happy Valentine's day - why not curl up on the sofa and watch Pleasantville for some inspiration (breath life into yourself).