‘Ontological attitude’ the missing piece from NLP, and the attitude of success or failure. Richard Bandler described NLP as an “attitude and methodology that leaves behind a trail of techniques”. Yet when you learn NLP you learn the methodology and the techniques but what happened to the ‘attitude’?
Here’s how I think about and talk about attitude with clients:
Ontological attitude is like the attitude gauge in the display in the cockpit at the front of the plane the pilot looks at to know whether he or she is going in nose first or at an angle where the plane can be landed and even the correct attitude to just fly the plane so it doesn’t fall out of the sky!!
You can think of it like your angle of approach to life.
It’s ontological because it operates at the level of beingness, and as Joseph describes ontology it is held somatically.
So you either have an attitude of success or an attitude where you crash and burn.
Ontology being somatically held means your beingness needs to be aesthetically pleasing or beautiful. An attitude of being beautiful which is an ongoing movement through the world, how you rub up against others. And whether that causes you friction and pain or causes you pleasure and enjoyment of the process. Because the more you enjoy the process the more you will want to be doing the process. That’s all in your attitude. You know you are aligned correctly when it is sensually pleasurable.
There’s nothing epistemological about it, if you’ve gone into thinking about it you’ve come out of that way of being, gone meta to your direct experience. You need to be in touch with your felt sense, feeling your way to how you hold it, how you align yourself, how you get your angle of approach right.
It’s like playing a sport, or riding a bike. You know you are doing it right by the feel.
For many people it’s the sense of flow as describe by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi or being in tune with that special person where there is that resonance of shared feeling.
The easiest way to get your attitude correct is to work with someone who has got it right for themselves. This in my opinion is one of the things the MythoSelf process develops this ontological alignment.
Perhaps though it’s easiest to know when you are not there, because when you have a ‘bad attitude’ everything goes wrong, life is painful, it literally hurts because you are out of alignment.
This can be how you have incorrectly adjusted yourself, or because someone has knocked you out of alignment, either intentionally or accidentally, or even just by their way of being. They’re headed down, nose first and are going to crash and burn, you need to become aware and choose for yourself first to correct yourself before you have any hope of getting them to change themselves.
I’d argue at some level that you know this about certain people around you. Whether you admit that to yourself is a different question.
I’d also suggest you know this about yourself, are you heading in nose first to crash and burn in your life? Again whether you admit this to yourself is a very important question.