I wrote this to a client recently, I hope you enjoy it. The question is how you leap to what you want, for most people this requires sufficient distress and crisis, which of course impairs their ability to leap (Strategy of the Dolphin talks about this cycle wonderfully btw). The majority of people on this lovely world of ours wont move voluntarily to getting that. The primary sort is for comfort, you’ll have heard the statistic that the number one fear is public speaking and that people would actually die rather than do this. It’s also true for stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something different. This is profoundly not about how much personal development you’ve done, the for example is, if you look at the state of virtually all the online NLP or hypnosis groups, how people who’ve supposedly learned the premier communication toolset simply can’t communicate. Why this is, is learning skills have a minimal effect on who you are. So people continue to run the same illformed patterns and get better at doing that because NLP or other personal development technology has enhanced their ability to do that.
You’ve probably heard Joseph (Riggio) talk about structural wellformedness and functional wellformedness. Some people are good at achieving stuff in the real world, they can make lots of money etc., that’s functional wellformedness. Often while they have the material stuff, they’re profoundly not happy because they realise it’s ultimately meaningless. An example I use regularly is the barrister client I had who was arguably in the top 5 in the UK, had enough money where he got to choose what cases he worked on, and spent every other month on his yacht with a selection of lovely young ladies… And yet he couldn’t get out of bed in the morning and was nearly suicidal.
What personal development is selling you is “develop these skills” then you can solve “problem x” that you have. And once you’ve solved problem X, you’ll be able to get what you want. The other example here is the book ‘the 4 Hour Work Week’ which has become quite a trendy book and is well written with lots of interesting ideas in, but it’s the premise of get these skills so you only have to work 4 hours a week then the rest of the time you can just do what you want… But if you can’t stand those 4 hours you wont do anything…
Once you’ve gotten thin/healthy/wealthy/educated/etc., etc., then you’ll be happy… This is the lie that most people are happy to believe.
Same thing with all the business development training’s, learn a ‘system’ that’ll make you money and once you’ve learnt it, it’ll be easy for you to do, and you’ll make loads of money. This is profoundly not true, what successful entrepreneurs are doing is developing an exquisite level of performance, so they work incredibly hard, but enjoy doing that work and have put the systems in place to maximise that. In my own development I’ve been truly shocked at what I’m able to achieve by putting systems in place and creating the mechanisms for how those systems work for me.
Mytho is about developing the structural wellformedness first, or more usually a combination of that while working on existing issues as the person has gotten themselves into such a critical condition that they need to be stabilised before the structural wellformedness can be established, and then building functional skills into that new way of being. If you stabilise back to the old way of being you’re more likely to go back to the old way of doing things and therefore get the same problems back. But if you use the disturbance (or perturbation as Dudley Lynch describes it in Strategy if the Dolphin) to get you to take the leap, then everything is different.
What changes everything is orienting yourself teleologically not historically. What makes the distress and crisis worth it is knowing it’s reforging you into who you are becoming. If it’s from the historical cause/effect paradigm the pain is impossible to bare because it’s just suffering you’ve brought on yourself through your own actions. If it’s about who you are becoming the pain is joyous as it’s the pain of giving birth… You don’t need to be happy or enjoy it, you need to know it has meaning and purpose.
You know that through taking action, and creating the feedback processes to measure your progress.
It’s your choice. Choose wisely :-)