Do you define yourself by your problems?

A response to Danny on the MythoSelf list. I remember being the kid at school who didn’t want to talk because I stuttered. I lived my life defined by that PROBLEM. What a stutterer does is find coping mechanisms because you can’t say certain words, usually words with what’s called ‘plosive type sounds, words that start with the letters B or P. I remember having to think out what I was going to say,basically write out the script avoiding all the words I couldn’t say before I then read that script… For someone who was already very ‘in their head’ this made me even more so. And yet now on average I spend three days a week talking to groups of people, and that’s ‘on average’ so sometimes it’s five days a week. And I’m fluent, I don’t stutter and people both enjoy and get value from their communication with me. From back when I lived my life defined by my problems I wouldn’t have believed it possible to be who I am now, it would have needed to have been a miracle.

Danny I didn’t start with the MythoSelf process. like quite a few people I did a lot of other stuff first before I discovered the work of Joseph Riggio. I’ve been asked before that annoying question, that if you had your life to live over again world you do things differently? I don’t regret any of the path or journey I’ve been on, and believe me it’s certainly not been easy or fun, but the point of following a path with heart is that the path works on your as you walk that path. But yes it would have been simpler, a lot lot easier, a LOT cheaper, like more than £150,000 (yes UKpounds) cheaper and taken a LOT less time, like TEN years less if I’d started with the Mytho and I’ll tell you why in a moment.

Because I used to be defined by my PROBLEM I was looking for a SOLUTION that solved that problem, this is why it took ten years… AND cost what it cost both financially and in may other ways…

From the perspective I have now, from learning from Joseph, I can point out some of the keys that made the difference for me, and you can have them at no charge, BUT the advice that’s worth it’s weight in gold is to find a master to learn from, someone who can actually teach what they do, that’s a subtle distinction because most people assume if you’re teaching it you can do it OR if you can do it then you can teach it, and neither of those are necessarily true. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve heard highly trained NLP people say in Joseph’straining’sthat they can’t believe he’s teaching how to do this stuff, BECAUSE they’re now getting how it’s done.

On my first NLP Trainers Training with Richard Bandler I was probably the worst student there, I would go up to the front of the group and try to remember my prepared structure for what to talk about, the whole opening and closing loops thing, and stutter and DIE repeatedly on stage, you know the whole standing there not being able to think of anything to say when everyone is looking at you waiting for you to say something… And it was not a small group either… But at the same time it wasn’t always the main stage, which I think was at the Barbican (one of London’s bigger theatres), though I may be misremembering, I just remember the size of the stage thinking they could have a football pitch here or it was the inside of a skyscraper with all the insides scooped out and then of course there was the size of the audience… How onearthdid the people at the back see anything!!

Towards the end of the ten days of the Trainers Training as I was in the process of dying yet again at the front of the room, I gave up on my script on what I was trying to say and just spoke to the audience about what was happening there and then at that moment in time, I stepped into the NOW and spoke from there, not anything clever or even particularly interesting but it was a moment of sartori for me, instant enlightenment, because I knew without a trace of doubt that I had the audience with me. Because I was present to their experience and of course including the myself in that experience the space between us changed it became charged… Not of course that I knew what to do with that then :-) But it was utterly wonderful…

What I’d done was wake up. Wake up from the every day social and cultural conditioning that keeps people asleep. And while everything was still the same it was really fucking different…

If I wanted I could still stutter. I still have that pattern, so could run it if I chose. But I just don’t go there. I go where the problem isn’t. It’s not that I have to do a technique or anything like that it’s who I am now. In describing what I do the word ‘mentor’ is much better than facilitate. Obviously I have a certain level of skill and ability in use of technique but that’s not where theabilityto do theworkI do comes from. Ultimately it’s inevitable that my client will have an experience of themselves whereanythingis possible because that’s the ontological position I hold, it’s who I am and who I hold the space for them to be. And the quicker they stop doing the crap they normally do, the quicker we get there. Becoming an elite performer involves transformation, transformation is going beyond what you believe is possible for you, and sustaining that way of being. For some clients they get it straight away and they’re off getting what they want out of life, others need a bit more work they give up the experience they’ve had in facilitation/mentoring because to sustain that way of being where they’ve gone where their problems aren’t where literally anything is possible for them, they’d have to give up the life they have which is built on having and maintaining those problems. And that transformation is a little too scary for some people, this work is not for everyone.