Building Your Own Happy Ever After - Why Success Can Be Worse Than Failure - The Secret Nobody Wants You To Know. The Art of Thinking Differently – Waking Up the Inner Coach Inside of You part 2

You have to disrupt yourself or others will do it for you - Steve Jobs. In a world where disruption is the new norm are you building your own happy ever after?

What?? Isn’t that where the story ends?

You know the story - boy meets girl, or girl meets boy and he’s really a prince or she’s a princess in disguise and everything works out and they fall in love and get married and then they live happily ever after…

But if you’ve done that - you’ve met your prince or princess you get that the story really starts after the fairy tale ends in real life. Maybe she doesn’t look like such a princess first thing in the morning or when she’s ill and you have to look after her. And as for him - what on earth were you thinking?

It’s the same in business. You have the great idea, and do the work to bring it to the market and the customers love it and you make lots of money. And you live happily every after…

It’s the quote from Joseph Campbell that people climb the ladder of success only to find they have placed it against the wrong wall.

It’s the idea of golden handcuffs or that you are trapped in a gilded cage. It’s when the dream of success happens but somehow it’s not what you wanted. And in many ways success is worse than failure when you realise you don’t actually want that success, and all the work you’ve done to get there was a waste of your time and your life.

I work with a lot of successful people - they’ve made their millions. Their business is successful. They’ve worked their way up to a position on the senior executive team or even to leading that team. They’ve gotten the world record and been told: “You are the best in the world at this sport”.

But somehow life isn’t “happy ever after.”

I know this is something you just don’t want to hear. The other story is SO much better isn’t it? That you win the lottery of life and everything works out and then you are happy.

But the success you’ve worked so hard to get is the same thing that limits you.

And often that hard work has left you burnt out, broken your marriage almost beyond repair, alienated your children from you. And you wonder what was it all for? Because you were always told get on the ladder of success and keep climbing and now you're stuck with nowhere to go feeling miserable with an empty hollow life.

You’ve been living a story that was never yours.

This is the realisation to have - who sold you on this story?

If your parents were lawyers you are likely to be a lawyer - it’s the same for doctors and many other professions because what you learn at home as you are growing up wires your brain and literally sets your filters for what to notice for as you grow up. It sets the expectations for how you will do at school, at college, at university, and what job you’re expected to get.

So you start on the hamster wheel of success and you’ve been fabulous as a hamster running on your wheel. But what do you really want?

This is the magical question.

What do you really want?

Because you haven’t asked yourself this question for a long long time.

The last time you did what you wanted was as a child when life was magical - it was magical because you were creating your reality.

If we’d stuck you in a MRI to see what your brain was doing we’d have seen there was no difference between fantasy and reality. The stick that you are imagining as a sword or magic wand really is a sword or magic wand in your mind.

You were living your happy ever after.

But you left that behind for the story you were sold.

And you can’t go back to those golden years - you can only build the future you want to be living into.

Story is powerful - either you control it or it controls you.

You disrupt yourself by starting to tell yourself a new story - the story of what you really want.

This is the journey we are on together - stepping up to be the Hero in our own lives. Becoming whole and complete in ourselves and by doing this being the change we want to see in the world.

Next time: Primal Stories – Death. Food. Sex. The stories that unconsciously drive you – How you are so out of control.