I hear this a lot from the clients I work with: “Because I’m an Introvert I can’t…” Whether that is going to talk to a beautiful woman that you are attracted to or even just going to places to meet potentially interesting people. This is a statement of identity: “I can’t because I am an introvert."
You often see in FaceBook groups and other places where introverts talk this similar kind of language: “Because I am an introvert I can’t…"
This defines what is possible for you.
What introverts often think we need is more confidence or more motivation. Yet if you go to a Tony Robbins type event and get all hyped up and motivated, which of course isn’t the favourite thing for most introverts to do, but is possible, you’ve learnt that isn’t sustainable longer term. Motivation is literally charging yourself up, changing your biology, so you feel like you can where as before you felt like you couldn’t.
Similarly with confidence, people feel like they can’t but when they have more confidence they feel like they can.
What many people miss here is that the “feel like” part is unconscious for them, so they believe they have no control over feeling good or feeling bad or feeling that you can do something or feeling that you can’t do something.
One of the first things I do with clients is work with exactly this unconscious process. I lead them to have the felt sense experience that they can do what it is they want to do. This isn’t a logical process of understanding and gaining insight that a psychotherapist or most therapists or coaches work with. It’s leading the client to having the direct experience that they now can do the thing that they couldn’t do before. If what stopped you before doesn’t exist then by definition you can do it.
For some clients this is all they need, one session and they can go and talk to that beautiful woman that they desire, or start to do whatever it is that they could’t do before because that limitation is gone.
For others they want to understand how they use themselves when they are being successful so they can use this in all the areas of their life and want to go through a more in depth process of literally re-engineering how they think and experience their life.
This is why I run longer much more in-depth programmes where we literally work together every day. Why every day? Because this is how you re-pattern your neurology - you change how you think by changing how you think. Or as I’ve written before your mind creates your brain which creates your mind.
And like any professional with a coach knows, training in a sport being the most obvious example, you take regular input from your coach to change how you think about your game, that’s the inner game part. Then you talk over what you’ve done in practice to refine what you do, how you practice. Because the famous 10,000 hours to mastery is not just about 10,000 hours of practice. It’s about 10,000 hours of DELIBERATE practice. Or if in your practice you are practicing it wrong you get better at doing it wrong!! This is where you need that external viewpoint, the coach, to correct what you are doing. so you can practice correctly and get the results you want.
So you don’t need more confidence or more motivation you just need someone to lead you to having the experience that you can do it - this is the value of a coach or mentor.