Secrets of Attraction 2: You gotta be you, not you, you and you. Ontological Storytelling.

You’ve got to stop being part of the group of guys or girls you hang around with.

This is true whether you want to be in a relationship or you’re the boss leading the team. This is difficult for most people because we are wired to be tribal, it’s natural to be part of the group.  And while they haven’t found the gene for this yet, arguable it is a meme (a unit of cultural information like the gene being a unit of genetic information). Going back to our tribal great grandfathers and mothers who more obviously lived in tribes if you got kicked out of the tribe that was literally a death sentence because you couldn’t survive without the support of the tribe. Even today some people unfortunately commit suicide often because they feel they don’t fit in.

To make the shift from being just one of the guys or girls to putting yourself in the spotlight as the leader the most useful thing you can have is someone to confidentially and privately talk over your thinking with.

How you tell your story as an attractive man or woman it’s always about being authentic. Today there are many ways to tell your story, you don't need techniques to use FaceBook or Twitter or some messaging app you need to be coherent telling one story that makes sense across all the social media you use, this is being authentic.

This is an ontological distinction. Ontology is the study of beingness. It’s usually contrasted with epistemology which is the study of thinking. If you make up a story to sell your good points and hide your bad points that’s epistemological storytelling. You need to go beyond that today to ontological storytelling. Telling the story of you from the inside out.

What shit are you currently sharing? Is the story you are telling bland, boring and does it just stink?

Going from follower to leader is changing the story from fashion victim, the pale imitation of who you admire on TV. To telling your story in everything you say and do. The more you build a story, your story that you are being who you are becoming, that you are stepping up into the leadership position and thinking for yourself, that you know what you want, that you have a vision for what is possible the more attractive you are to someone you’d want to be in an intimate relationship with.